Liberation (10 of 11)
was surprised at his interest, especially with his history of
casual flings. Why did he care? It took two more beers
finally ask that, and he explained that he wanted someone who
he could trust in his life, that we seemed good for each other.
He played with my hair, waiting for me to agree. Instead, I
sat in the dark, shocked into silence, watching a spider nearby
spinning its web in the moonlight.
After a few minutes of silence, Steve yelled from the door that Jon
had a phone call. Relieved, I followed him to the house.
The kitchen was dark, the roommates were watching cheap porn on
Cinemax in the living room, their faces illuminated by blue light in
the otherwise shadowy room. Bolstered by the beer, I joined
their heated debate: silicone versus natural. They laughed
when I spoke up, stunned that I’d be a part of it and that I could
give them tips for deciphering. I was shocked myself, unaware
that I’d become this open, especially in a room full of older guys.
Jon finished the phone call, leaned against the door jam, and
watched me hang out with his friends, a faint smile on his face.
Our eyes met soon after, and we headed upstairs, not needing to
talk. His slow kisses sent chills down my spine as he gently
rubbed my face with his palm. Last time it had been so
frenzied, we took our time now. It was intense, undressing
each other, learning each other’s bodies. I was so at ease,
relaxed enough to enjoy it. Maybe it was because the “first
time” thrill was gone, but it wasn’t as fun as the last time.
I just couldn’t help noticing a needy look in his eyes whenever they
met mine; I turned my head away.