As I look at this giant glass window and stuff napkins into dispensers, my focus shifts to the gas station across the street. People are coming and going, filling their expensive cars that use too much gas and swiping their credit cards that already have too much debt. There must be at least twenty people out there but the one that sticks out to me is the girl changing the price of unleaded on the big sign outside. I have never noticed her before, but I know immediately that I will never forget her. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. Not really beautiful in a classic, model sort of way. No, she is beautiful in a very unique, inner person sort of way. Her long, wavy hair is a dark blonde and she wears an oversized army jacket to keep her thin body warm. The features on her face look slightly crooked, like she got punched in the jaw once and everything shifted a half inch counter clockwise and stayed that way. But it doesn’t matter. She is beautiful inside and out, I can tell.

In the midst of this life changing moment a wad of pizza dough sails through the air and lands squarely on my right temple, sticking for a moment and then sliding down my face and onto the floor. Jolted from my trance, I turn to see Scott snickering from behind the counter. I pick up the dough from the floor, only because if I don’t do it now Dan will make me do it later, and carry on with my work, pretending I am dead.

When I get home that night I finish a half empty bottle of whisky and sit in my arm chair, the only piece of furniture in my living room unless you count the small television and my pyramid of beer cans, thinking about the girl. I wonder what her name is. I wonder if she has seen me. I wonder if we’ll ever meet. I continue dreaming alcohol and drinking these thoughts of her, not realizing that this is the first time in years I have fallen asleep thinking about anything but how I could kill myself.

I stare at the cracked ceiling, smoke curling towards it, as I sit on the toilet. Flush, shower, dirt, dirt, dirt. I eat my Fruit Loops, pull my uniform over my head and leave the house.

Lindsay Moe
Wasted Life
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