I don’t know how much I have had to drink. I always keep an endless supply and the pyramid of beer cans in the living room and pile of bottles in the trash leave no indication of how many are fresh and how many have been there for months. I do know that this is it. I take one last swig of Jack Daniels and know it will be my last because I am finally going through with it. I am finally going to kill myself. I couldn’t go meet the girl today and she was my only hope for something better in this life. Everything else is a dead end rut, an endless repetition of a miserable day. I have decided, in my drunken state, that jumping out a window will be the way to go. It seems like a fun way to die. The trip down to the ground might actually feel like a roller coaster or sky diving or something.

My fingers fumble with the screen on my bedroom window which rises over the sidewalk below. This will certainly come as a shock to the others in the apartment building. They have probably never seen a dead body before, and mine will be quite grotesque. I give a punch and finally manage to remove the screen. I grab onto the window frame and stick one foot out, then the other. One last, deep breath of the chilled night air and I hoist myself through the window and trust gravity to do the rest.

In no time I am on the ground in pain. It is not the pain I was expecting. There is a pain in my leg and a pain in my head, although I’m pretty sure the latter was there before I jumped, caused by the amount of alcohol in my system. I lay on the sidewalk, assuming I must just have to wait to die, and let myself drift slowly into the blackness.

I wake in the morning to a bad taste in my mouth and aching everywhere. The gray sky is just beginning to light the world and I look around me, wondering if this is heaven or hell. Must be hell. I don’t think it would hurt like this in heaven. I pull myself up into a sitting position and take check of my body. I am generally sore all over, but the pain is mostly concentrated in my left ankle.

Lindsay Moe
Wasted Life
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