“Oh, hello Kyle,” the liaison said with an air of familiarity, walking out of his office.

“Hi,” Kyle replied, just as confused as I was.

“If you two will just follow me,” he said and started to walk down another hall, toward the actual principle’s offices.

Kyle and I shot one quick glance at each other. Sometimes, you can tell what a person is thinking just by looking in their eyes. Right then and there, Kyle’s eyes were screaming “Help!”

We were led into the office of Associate Principle Yvette Dunlap. Yvette (My friends and I oftentimes punctuating her name with a quick Hitler salute), was fresh from a high school in urban Chicago. As such, she was tough, unforgiving, and always ready to set an example. Months before this, she had suspended our friend Ellen, a very outspoken member of the Gay/Straight Alliance and a very out lesbian, for making homophobic comments during break. She had merely said the word ‘aspirate’, which a passing student had mistaken for ‘ass pirate’. With this incident fresh in our minds, Kyle and I felt like a prisoner must feel shortly before the switch is thrown or the chamber floods with gas.

“How are you, boys?” she asked us cordially, no doubt softening us up for the kill.

“Fine,” we stammered.

“Boys, we received a report earlier today that you two made a prank phone call to the Suicide Prevention Hotline from a school phone last night. Now, since you allegedly used school property this way, we do take that very seriously. Also, be aware that the Suicide Prevention Hotline does record all of their calls. Is there anything you two would like to say about this?”

Kyle and I looked at each other and sighed.

Matt Perry
Happy Families
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